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Forgiving ( Forgiveness) of Self / October 12th, 2022

 I have to forgive myself today, I am not a "super-human"anymore, the way I was ten years ago & running the shop business and having what I thought was a big life.

And even that wasn't enough for me, I felt that I had more in me, I had to do more & show more. I took all kinds of work-shops directed toward helping the business succeed and then went to work & tried to apply it. At the Apple stores, both Old Pasadena & Glendale, I signed up for 2-3 workshops a week. iPhoto, Pages, and the old favorite, iWeb.

I went to classes almost anywhere & everywhere, attending workshops on Wilshire Blvd at the "Small Business Association", while attending Trade Technical College.  In the end, I was exhausted & I am still tired, yet refusing to admit it. Like a fighter going down in the 5th round, I keep getting back up  despite the fact that I'm so done. 

And after the combination of my fathers suicide & onset of menopause, ( and leaving a business of 25 years)  and I told myself..."I'm just going to get a little part-time job & work a few hours a day". 

I don't need to run so hard anymore...and why am I'm running so hard ?

And this has worked for a little while, yet the beast of busyness has reared it's head again. 

And I have to forgive myself over & over, not letting the self-defeat thoughts fold into my being and layer with the trauma of being human on this planet & not doing enough. 

I forgive myself for not attending that free Zoom workshop on "Marketing oneself with Social Media". And I let it go now. Please help me God, Thank you.

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