LFC= Love, Forgive , and Create. A reflection on the gift of living at my fullest capacity.

  Recently, I began calling my Sponsor “Mama Bear” after watching her handle a situation in an Alanon 12 step meeting with loving detachment.  The nickname stuck, as through our time together, she was presented with many new challenges, and having big adventures facing them head on. My sponsor was climbing the “Big Boulders”, of life and it was inspiring to witness this as I worked through both the 12 Steps &12 Traditions with her.  As I began to try new things in my recovery, I realized that I could not (yet) scale the “Big Boulders” that my  “Mama Bear” sponsor was climbing. For a few days I fell into “compare & despair”, then suddenly the realization came upon me. I am a “baby bear ” in my program/recovery and “Progress not Perfection ”, showed me that I can simply do my best with what I have, “Just for Today .  “First things First ” taught me that I cannot do the big things until I do the small ones, and “How important is it”?   Shows me ho...

 My name is Kathleen, and I was born in Los Angeles within a family struggling with addiction issues of different forms. My mother was a registered nurse working graveyard shift with a dependence on Demerol. She stole the drug from work, self-medicating to deal with her issues & yet undiagnosed schizophrenia.                                                   My mother, Christmas 1970 My father had issues with control, money, and keeping his house in order. Many weekends, he drove across the border in Tijuana to purchase baby Amazon parrots and smuggled them back to Los Angeles stashed underneath the backseat of his convertible 69" Karmann Ghia. He did this on a regular basis, and I now realize that back home, he raised the them & sold the adult birds for profit. My first memory ever is lying down in my crib as an infant, with the white bars surroundin...

    Tree in Australian Section  For myself, Love can express it's self with a tiny escape in the city of Los Angeles at the L.A. Arboretum, a large public garden / park area of 127 acres in the San Gabriel Valley.  Tiny Waterfall in Tropical Garden / La Arboretum Here I can immerse myself in my love of nature, while exploring the Los Angeles County history at the same time. This beautiful place has 11 different gardens, and numerous tree and plant collections. My desire for “self-care” and a glimpse of beauty has brought me here on a Fall day in 2022. The Los Angeles Arboretum was created in 1947 with California & Los Angeles jointly purchasing 11 acres to create an Arboretum around the land that belonged to “Lucky Baldwin”.  My time spent in nature is soothing and provides space in my mind in order to think clearly about my life. A long 2 mile walk, and glimpse of the various trees, flowers, and wildlife brings forth calmness and helps me remain cent...

One of the first pieces of literature I took from a meeting was the blue & white Alanon book-mark, “Just for Today”. Packed with good suggestions, in an easy to read format, this bookmark has helped me through many tough days, and the St Francis prayer at the bottom became one of my favorites.  Despite this tiny powerful bookmark, there were times in my life that felt so dark, I had a hard time picking it up. “ Not for Today” , I would think to myself, at times I momentarily forgot my program and all the tools that recovery offers.  As I continue to grow in my Alanon program, I have slips and days of falling off my “wagon of recovery”. Sometimes, when negative feelings surface so strongly, I resort to isolation and despair. These are coping mechanisms I learned long before coming into program. I momentarily forget about the Spiritual power of the Fellowship. The Do’s & Don’ts tell us “Not to wallow in Self-Pity”, yet sometimes I find that If I engage in a “Pity ...

"Creativity is the natural order of life. Life is energy, pure creative energy"_Julia Cameron    I believe that we come here to create, and if we look around, everything is a creation. Today, I am feeling inspired by creative women, and have found a delicious new ( to me) author in a most unexpected way. Her name was Lois Wilson, and she was the wife of the  Co-founder of AA, Bill Wilson . Her memoir,  "Lois Remembers"  is the literature that is read during my Sunday morning Al-Anon meeting, and I have found myself captivated and inspired. As I listen to their travels & adventures I realize that I too, can enjoy life as they did. A willingness to create, listen and learn, has filled my personal tank with the fuel I need to keep moving onward and forward. Life really is that simple, just for today.

 I have to forgive myself today, I am not a "super-human"anymore, the way I was ten years ago & running the shop business and having what I thought was a big life. And even that wasn't enough for me, I felt that I had more in me, I had to do more & show more. I took all kinds of work-shops directed toward helping the business succeed and then went to work & tried to apply it. At the Apple stores, both Old Pasadena & Glendale, I signed up for 2-3 workshops a week. iPhoto, Pages, and the old favorite, iWeb. I went to classes almost anywhere & everywhere, attending workshops on Wilshire Blvd at the "Small Business Association", while attending Trade Technical College.  In the end, I was exhausted & I am still tired, yet refusing to admit it. Like a fighter going down in the 5th round, I keep getting back up  despite the fact that I'm so done.  And after the combination of my fathers suicide & onset of menopause, ( and leaving a busin...